Here W-Ego Again…

There are two things in this world that I can’t stand: arrogance and pretension.

By the way, welcome back to my awesome blog that’s all about me and and is my superb creative outlet for all my important, interesting problems.

I am here today to apologise for my absence. The Day Job demanded that I give it my undivided attention for six weeks or so, and I obeyed. I logged out of my WordPress account because y’all are too interesting, and hence distracting.1

Anyway, I write to you today in humbleness. This is a problem because I’ve actually spent the last six weeks working on something rather special and brilliant and I’d like to tell you all about it.

Now, I’ve done some comparatively awesome things in my short career. Many of them would be unappreciated outside of the industry, a few of them (TV work mainly) are limited to being impressive in this country, but the one so impressive and intense I’ve had to stop blogging for is for the BBC.

Before you get excited, I was doing visual work for the radio arm of the BBC. My next project will be a nationwide ad campaign for chocolate teapots.2

That said, the work (still not finished, by the way) is currently being very well received and one finished component is circulating the Beeb’s social networking outlets. I made the BBC’s Official Youtube Channel. I feel that this is legitimately quite cool.3

Cactus

This is as much as I can show. This shelved cactus is such a minor feature that it didn’t even get paid an appearance fee for it’s trouble.

***

Now, I can’t abide bragging, but if there was ever a time to get into it, that time is now; however, I can’t really talk about it in any further detail without giving my identity away. My secrecy is something I feel is important to this blog, as I would probably share much less if I thought someone could trace my tender side back to the real me.

What this means instead, is that whilst I want to tell the world that I’ve done something I’m actually proud of, I can’t provide details, and so am limited to saying ‘I am awesome’, which makes my skin crawl. Part of me wants to numb it by instead suggesting that ‘I am quite good at something’, but newcomers to this here blog would still see that as arrogance, as they would not have the benefit of context.

What this work has enabled me to do, aside from enhance my portfolio, pay the bills, and make in-roads towards a career-move to television, is to finally blog about perhaps my biggest overarching anxiety – the fear of being seen as a pompous, self-important prick. It took something awesome for me to be able to say ‘I am awesome, but I only think I’m alright. So don’t hate me.

I find myself going out of my way to appear humble, and to appeal to people’s better nature, perhaps because I have always been a ‘beta male’. I know full well the extent of my talents, and am well aware that I have many faults and failings and have much to learn.4 I can’t look at any of my work without seeing faults, for example. ‘Perfectionism’ is a somewhat dirty word,5 but high standards for oneself are a double-edged sword. I would like to say that I’m my own worst enemy, but I imagine that by saying that I would tempt fate into providing me with a arch-nemesis. Actually, I’d love an arch-nemesis. I’m my own worst enemy.

What I hope you understand, is that I don’t intend to let this success change me. and for all of my achievements I am, in actuality, vehemently uncool. I am but one wisp of a man struggling against the winds of time, and cosmically speaking, I am next to nothing. I am flattered that you all think my thoughts are worth reading, and I that you feedback to me with comments is currently both a cause for delight and burning shame.

***

Fortunately for my schedule/sanity, I never promised a post a week or anything like that, but the thought of not posting once per month is unacceptable to me. I have, however, procrastinated even in this simple act, and am noticeably posting on the last possible day in September, to keep a promise I made as recently as the start of this paragraph. I’m a fool to myself.

I hope to be blogging regularly again by mid-October. I will keep this promise because guilt is my best motivator. There’s a raft of ‘material’ I need to take forward and give structure to, which I’m particularly excited by and hopefully will be lauded to the high heavens as self-indulgence of the highest order ‘good’. I believe this is what’s known as a teaser.

My apologies once again for leaving you in this chasmic lurch. I will respond to any and all comments the moment this work is signed off.

My thanks to the few new folks who’ve followed recently, I’m so sorry for being neglectful, especially as many of you are WordPress heavyweights. What on Earth must you think of me?6 I will read up on blogs old and new as soon as possible.

Please bear with me, I’ll see you soon.


1 That’s right, I referred to you all as ‘y’all’. Evidently interacting with the Americas has its side-effects.

2 The first project I did at University that earned me industry attention genuinely involved selling ice to eskimos. One day I hope to design something sensible.

3 In the interest of full disclosure, the video has four dislikes, which means that legitimate coolness is either not for everyone, or that my work is neither legitimate nor cool, which would be a colossal waste of my time. I hate Youtubers.

4 Whilst I’m not petulant/stupid/a fourteen-year-old enough to self-diagnose myself from Wikipedia, there’s a psychological phenomenon I may be somewhat privy to called ‘The Impostor Syndrome’ which feeds self-doubt into the assumption that you’re actually a fraud, and that your inevitable unmasking is only moments away. This is a tortuously unpleasant way to live your life, and yet I appear to have described it in a manner similar to an episode of Scooby-Doo, which if anything just reveals that this writer/humorist schtick is similarly hokum.

5 Not as dirty as ‘boobies’, though.

6 Probably a stream of profanities according to taste, followed – somewhat ironically – by the word ‘unfollowed!’

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38 thoughts on “Here W-Ego Again…

  1. Well, you’ve certainly piqued my interest…

    By the way, I think all of us suffer from ‘The Impostor Syndrome’ from time to time, which I suppose means it’s not a syndrome at all, but rather a normal human response.

  2. Glad you’re back! If it had been anything LESS than the BBC, I definitely wouldn’t have been so forgiving……
    Kidding! Also, Youtubers will be Youtubers. The fact that a dislike button exists is cause for some people to press it as annoying and juvenile as that is.

    • Unfortunately, Lillian, I was never properly back. I am now, however, properly back, but too late for a reply to your comment to seem organic and welcome.

      I’m glad to see we disagree about the Unlike button; it’s far, far too easy to be negative with that thing. At least a comment allows for either considered criticism or revealing the author to be an imbecile.

  3. We all need a nemesis, mine used to work in Blockbuster. It closed down, so I won. I’m in the market for new foe. I’m earmarking a woman who used her hips to knock me out of padded bench I was leaning on when on the London overground train.

  4. It’s okay to tell the world you’re awesome! I’m French so it’s a second nature for me to do so 😉
    No but seriously, I much prefer reading the thoughts of people who have some self-esteem. I stop reading immediately whenever I see something like: “this is not very good but…” or “there’s probably no-one who’s ever going to read that but…” or “I’m not very good at x, but…”

    I understand your concerns about privacy. My full name is displayed on my blog and it is limiting sometimes. I guess I would spend more time bitching about my colleagues and friends if I remained anonymous but I’m not sure it would have so much value anyway.

    • Hello dear Cécile, I can only apologise for such a late reply.

      There is a fine line to tread between humbleness and self-deprecation for attention. As you say; if you didn’t want to show it off, you wouldn’t have done. Have you heard the expression ‘fishing for compliments’? It’s both apt and a little charming, I feel.

    • Hello Lynne, my sincere apologies for this late reply. I misread ‘haters’ as ‘hatters’, and they bore the hell out of me too. Always going on about hats…

      Society seemed all too eager to accept the concept of haters for my liking. What a horrible world we live in where you can be dismissed as a hater for having a slightly critical opinion of something popular…

  5. Way to go on the cool project at work! That has to be so exciting!
    I too have taken an extended absence from blogging. I’ve done so to refocus my life, be more active and home school my 4 year old. It’s going well. =)
    It’s nice to read you again. We’ve missed you balls.

      • Honestly, I don’t know how I do this whole homeschooling thing either. Teaching a 4 year old is more complicated that teaching quantum physics, or at least if feels that way. Yesterday was syllables and the short ‘i’ sound. He turned out to be a syllable genius, but for some reason, the introduction of “vowels making more than one sound” was tantrum inducing curriculum. Wolverine ended up in timeout for throwing a mechanical pencil while screaming the short ‘a’ sound. )Yes, Wolverine. He likes to dress up in superhero costumes for school. It helps him learn “a super amount”.)

        He is stoked for Halloween. He’s going to be “Classic Wolverine”. He looks pretty epic, muscle suit and all. Hopefully this whole hurricane crap goes away by tomorrow so we can get our trick or treat on!

  6. I applaud you for channeling your inner American by saying “I am awesome.” 😉

    Doing visual for BBC Radio is quite awesome indeed, as is making the BBC Youtube channel. I miss the Beeb. BBC4 is unlike anything else in the world.

    But that cactus really is a tease. It’s like a stripper taking off one glove and then going home.

    • An awesome person would have replied sooner.

      Ah, my dear Weeblord. What a way with words you have. I fear even another glimpse of wrist in this instance might be a step too far for this metaphorical stripper.

  7. I am just going to say Congrats on successfully leaving and accomplishing outside work!! This place is very interesting with All Y’All! You give me hope – I have to do that myself. I will have to go check out your BBC channel! What an incredible thing you did!!

    • Unfortunately it became far too easy to neglect the blogging world. The piece was to promote a radio programme so it should be floating around the corresponding sites, although if you find it I can’t confirm it 😉

  8. The whole time I was reading I was thinking ‘Imposter Sydrome’, so I was glad to see it in your notes at the end. Now you have the unqualified opinion of Wikipedia and a stay at home, burnt out, desperate housewife. I am going to make you an “I am #1!” button/ribbon combo to wear around as treatment for a few weeks, because clearly, you are #1 and it’s high time you acknowledge that.

    • Miss Giraffe, in the words of Ringo Starr, forgive the lateness of my reply. It is a genuine comfort to know that Imposter Syndrome is not something my beau created to delude itself into thinking it was a bit more normal than it is, although it did also think up this sentence, so questions must be asked.

      Your opinion, medical or otherwise is one I hold I high regard, so I thank you.

      This reply must read quite oddly, come to think of it…

  9. I think I can write without fear of contradiction, that you are the greatest human being on the face of the planet. (I use the term human being, because Beaker the muppet is clearly superior to all of us.)

    • Well unfortunately my lax attitude to this prestigious accolade has seen it go to its next recipient. My apologies for my lateness.

      There is no-one on Earth who either doesn’t or wouldn’t love The Muppets. I sincerely believe Jim Henson may be one of the few things that binds humanity together.

  10. Hi Chris, I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award because I’d love to make that humility you talk of, that little bit more difficult to project. And because I do find you hugely entertaining as you well know – if you look back and sift through your myriad of readers and remember who I am 😛

    Do with it what you will, the post featuring you is below. Hope you enjoy reading the other nominees’ blogs too 🙂

    http://thisislemonade.wordpress.com/2012/10/05/frivolity-and-friendship-3-with-a-facelift/

    Keep up the blogging when you can. Let me bring the Britishness back here, it’s the taking part and the spirit of the blogging we like to see. No matter how often as long as you’ve given it your very best shot. That’s all we can expect of you 😉 Nice to read ya again! And congrats!

    • Thank you, Lemonade for your accolade, although I don’t feel I currently befit the title of blogger, let alone a versatile one. I will credit you in turn at the next available opportunity.

      Thank you for your patience and understanding. I only hope I can scale again the lofty heights of your standards for me.

      • LOL you just did, thanks 🙂 Hope all is well. You should feel under no obligation to blog. Great posts come only from willing bloggers. Take care and hope to read you sometime when you have the aforementioned precious time to spare 🙂

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